Okay, so for all you girls out there that think getting a diamond engagement ring is the greatest thing.. You may just want to reconsider. After reading this I changed my mind, if I do get a ring I want it to be something that represents rarity and purity, instead of a status quo item that isn't even that rare anymore and represents an ideal that has been manufactured by the jewelry companies.
This is something that I wrote back in the beginning of the year, after coming back to it and revising and adding to it I would like to actually turn it into a post, so here ya go :)
Do you ever have that feeling? Of complete conviction of your faults to the point where your in tears over how much you must have grieved God with past sins? I was almost to the point where I had forgotten my savior entirely because of being dragged into sinful life. I started to disdain God, I went through a lot of old diary entries and even though I was doing all this stuff that sounded so fun and exciting I was not happy. Not at all, almost suicidal really. Somehow in that time... I forgot everything that I ever learned about God and reality and put it all aside so I could do what I wanted to do, not thinking of the consequences of my actions at all. It's true that sometimes I was happy and had a good time, you can still be happy but stuck in your sin, for a little while, but it was always followed by deep depression, guilt or anger. I am so happy that God has had his mercy and me and is helping me change. Something happens when you go back to your roots, and remember God as your Savior and Redeemer, it still makes me cry when I think of all the time that I've wasted, when we are in sin it completely consumes us.
You can try to pray, or have fellowship with God, but you can't feel His awesome presence until you're knees hit the floor and your heart cries out for repentance for the sins you've committed against him. We are either with Him or against Him, there is no middle ground. I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot.16 So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.(Revelations 3:15-16)
When God spues you out of his mouth that means separation from Him and his blessings and presence. God had left me, I would lie to myself and say that everything I was doing was somehow justifiable. But my faulty logic as to why it's okay for me to continue in my sin doesn't fly in his book, the Bible, which should be everyone's standard for living. I had become so passive and drenched in my thoughts and opinions that I had made up in my own mind that I had forgotten about Christ. You, me, everyone, goes through this, on a daily basis for some even. It is a war
we fight that is VERY real. And I encourage you to pick up your sword and fight, our enemy is not playing around with this game called Your Life and he will fight to the death to kill you and let you die in your sins. I encourage you to stay strong, read your Bibles, get together with the saints and fellowship. Get on your knees and pray to the Lord, no matter what you've done he's always there listening and will NEVER turn his back on you, if you are a His. He loves you and will take care and comfort you when you are in need if you just come to Him.
John 10:27-30 My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: 28 And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. 29 My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father’s hand. I and my Father are one.
The question we need to be daily asking ourselves is the following... Am I pressing on??
I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Let us therefore, as many as be perfect, be thus minded: and if in any thing ye be otherwise minded, God shall reveal even this unto you. (Philippians 3:14-15)
I hope you take a moment with me and think about this, and how it specifically effects YOU. Not your parents, or your friends or neighbors, but just you and your relationship with The Lord, Jesus Christ. Even if it's something minor that's been ticking at your conscience lately, like being lazy in school, or not being as bold of a witness as you should be, or maybe something major that you've been trying to avoid facing... Go to Him with it, He already knows and is waiting for you to call on Him.
Behold, for peace I had great bitterness: but thou hast in love to my soul delivered it from the pit of corruption: for thou hast cast ALL my sins behind thy back. (Isiah 38:17)
May God bless and keep you, and make his face shine upon you and give you peace in Jesus Name,